Skip Day.

Blog, I am your master!!

Once again, my fear of not being funny has kept me from blogging.

Then I happened upon my views, and realized as I’ve lost most of my original viewership anyway, I have nothing to fear!

So here we go.

Today was Skip Day.

I love Skip Day.  There’s something about lounging about in bed all day while everyone else is stuck in school that’s absolutely luxurious.  I, however, am not a good bed lounger.  I get bored and start hiding under the blankets and pouncing on specks of dirt on the floor then bouncing back onto the safety of the mattress.  I quickly lose interest in this game. 

Instead, to pass the time, I begin guessing what different objects in my room are.  With my eyesight, this is quite an adventure.  Unfortunately, with my overactive imagination, I often convince myself that there is a fanatic Christian/murderer/midget/evil wizard IN MY ROOM. 

This is panic inducing.

In an effort to combat the intruder, I often ready my blanket to the defense position (wrapped around my head like a turban).  I then creep stealthily over pillows and across blankets, toward the unwelcome guest. 

It is often poised in this unusual crouch at the end of the bed that I realize my error.

Chairs aren’t nearly as frightening when one can see them properly.

I do tend to wake up early, so these types of shenanigans simply cannot last all day, and excitement about other activities often rouses me from my bed.

Skip day means I can take my walk in the morning.  This is thrilling in and of itself, as then I am out walking with the dog walkers.  These are very unusual men, as it would appear as though they have absolutely no interest whatsoever in animals – yet they have twenty or so wrapped around their waist.

The dogs themselves are remarkably well behaved, and trot along as a little pack through parks and busy city streets.  There are always ridiculous size differences between the animals, though this never seems to present a problem.

I’ve never seen a trampled Chihuahua.

My walk was fairly uneventful, except that I set off a car alarm and knocked over a moped.

Oh, but before that happened a man hit me with his pole.  This is not as inappropriate as it sounds.  He was carrying like a rather long post for some inexplicable reason (might have something to do with the fact that he was a construction worker… But what does one do with a long pole other than poke people?).  At any rate, he evidently lost control of it and bopped me in the head.

I took this to mean I do not fall into the category of Things People Would Not Touch With A Ten Foot Pole.  So that’s good for my self-confidence.

But the car alarm was surprising.  I was toppling off the sidewalk and used the vehicle to right myself.  This did not please the vehicle, so it began screaming at me.  Shocked, I reeled – right into a parked moped.  Which proceeded to tip over.

Thanks, gravity.

Did the only logical thing I could think of, and sprinted away.  Was wearing an excellent disguise, really, as I was in workout gear and everything.

Ironically, I was listening to “Can You Hear Me?” by Enrique Iglesias.

Yes, Enrique.  I think they heard us.